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Archive for the ‘Marriage’ CategoryI was lying there watching Tomoko’s gaping mouth as she sounded off like a rooster this morning and noticed that her chest was not in sync with her snoring. She was calling the gods while breathing out. At first I couldn’t understand why, but then I simply confirmed, “EVERYTHING’S opposite in Japan.” I am never going to be able to publish a book that becomes a textbook and a children’s story that leads children into adulthood understanding that marriage is not a holy act rather one which just helps the couple make an immediate commitment in order to spend A LOT of money showing off what each family definitely can’t afford to give up. I don’t know about you, but I’d like to lease a wife. You know, a monthly payment including maintenance costs. At the end of two years, I can turn it in for a new one or choose to buy it out at the current value. I’d take it for a test ride and fall in love with it. I’d sign the contract and drive it off the lot, take for a spin, burn the brakes, let my dog chew on the interior, invite my friends for weekend benders, and then turn it in for a new one. If I grew attached to it, I’d ask for the same model and buy THAT one at the end of the next two years. I just thought. I can’t let my dog chew on the interior and take my friends on benders in a leased car. I’d have to rent. But at $20.00 a day it’s not so bad. I mean, I only drive the one I have now once a week or so. That would mean my wife would only run around $160.00 a month. hmmm. I ask a question like “When will the Japanese economy recover?” and get an answer like, “The stock market has fallen 2 to 3% percent.” If I think about their answer for a bit and try to figure out where they’re coming from it takes me too long. Now that I have lived here for a bit, I can stop and think longer and longer but it’s still too long. The person answering my economy question was trying to say that eventhough the economy seems to be recovering, recently it’s experiencing global pressures which have made it difficult to make a healthy recovery anytime soon. This kind of confusion CONSTANTLY happens with my wife whereby I’m supposed to understand her underlying meaning. This seems absolutely illogical to me which then sets off my logic recovery alarm. I feel compulsed to ask the question again to test out my theory and then ask in even simpler terms with a clear objective that only a three year old would not misunderstand. Doesn’t work. It just results in an argument. My research continues. Do western women understand a man’s desires more than a Japanese woman? Or do American men just want it more? And do women understand that we run a higher risk of getting prostate cancer if we don’t have sex? Would it be a problem if I were to take care of my urge, and my prostate, outside of our marriage? I don’t. The way I see it, we are simply animals who desire to run at times. A man feels the compelling surge of hormones that drives us to attack. When we reach 40, that urge is noticed more and more because it’s happening less and less frequently. Why is it happening less frequently? Japanese women probably yern for “touch” a lot more than western women, but western women know what to do when they are touched. This means that western men in Japan must be the toucher, which isn’t much fun. We touch, they don’t know what to do when we touch them. I’m not getting the urge anymore. I woke up this morning, gave Tomoko a BIG hug, at which point Kai jumped out of bed and joined in. We hadn’t fought or anything, I just wanted to start talking again. I HATE not communicating. It’s the biggest trouble with marriages today. I think it’s telling the other person what you’re not happy about and then listening to the other person’s perspective. Then both people have to agree that neither is right and that there needs to be some compromise. If both sides agree to disagree and it’s in the best interest of the family to come to a conclusion which benefits both sides, albeit less than expected, then there is a chance everything will work out. Unfortunately, here in Japan, most are not leaders and a majority are followers with a say in what happens to the group. Where there is a group made up of two, it means one person’s say weighs in at a whopping 50% which translates, in woman vs. man language, to 99%. Western men’s confidence in solving matters quickly and logically have no place in Japan. Things take time. I’m learning how to watch plants grow. Well. I think it’s because they have nothing to say. ORRRRRRRR, if the man opens his mouth he is going to get a heaping helping of “Complaint Stew.” It seems like I am learning how not to say anything which even remotely stirs an emotion since it only means that there is a chance for her to say something negative. For example, I asked if she thought there was something Kai (our son) might like to do; something to learn, something new, like Taiko or pottery (He’s starting to play a lot of DS and I don’t want him to fall into the “Video Killed the Radio Star” syndrome). My wife’s answer was something like, “you know, you have to think. I don’t know his thinking. You have to ask him.” Responding to women in Japan without sounding like an over confident asshole is quite difficult. If I disagree or try to rephrase the question in order to get an answer that even comes remotely close to what my objective is I will undoubtedly receive punishment. If I agree with her and rephrase the question, it means I am giving in to miscommunication. If I don’t say anything it would mean, in OUR culture, that I disagree and I don’t wish to continue this conversation beacause…well, I just don’t. BUT IN JAPAAAN, if you don’t say anything and just give a little grunt, it means you are thinking about what the other person said. If you continue to be silent, it means you accept their answer and you don’t need any further clarification. My wife and I haven’t spoken for the last 2 hours; a new record for me. |
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