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Archive for the ‘Marriage’ CategoryMy wife got a call from some friends we sometimes see. They’re older than us and have a successful business. They were calling to ask what our son would like for his birthday tomorrow. After the phone conversation, I asked Tomoko why she was speaking so formally to friends we have known for over five years. We’ve traveled with them many times, had dinner parties, BBQs, nights out and more. We even consider each other family. So why does my wife still speak to them like they are customers? Well, if you ask a question like that to your wife you’re bound to start an argument because anything remotely intellectual that does not have a definite answer means confronting the “I don’t know” taboo. You know, that time when a Japanese can’t admit they don’t know something for fear of losing face or something like that. My wife was no exception. “I’m just curious why you speak that way. That’s all. Really.” I said. Tomoko replies, “I’m not your perfect woman.” hmmm.
I ask this question to my students along with, “What do you REALLY want?” and, “Do you have a dream?” Most of the time the girls answer the question without telling me their real feelings because it is either embarrassing or they don’t want to upstage their classmates. Maybe they don’t know what passion feels like. Maybe they don’t know how bad it feels when you fail at something you love soooooo much. What is passion? My student writes, “My parents don’t care about me. My father is never home and my mother only cares about if I am studying or going to club activities. When I come home I go to my room . My friends live far away so I can’t see them. I talk to them on my cell phone as much as possible. The only time I can have fun is when I play basketball. I play basketball everyday. This Summer I practiced everyday for 5 hours. My team is not good but we have a lot of fun. We laugh a lot. I forget all my worries when I am with them. This is my third year in high school. I can not play basketball next year. I don’t want to stop. I want to leave my house and run away. I have a friend in Hokkaido. I want to stay with her to play basketball. What should I do?” I edited the article just a little. The point is that she, as well as many Japanese, have passion but don’t realize how strong it is because the seriousness of it is not discussed. Hiding these feelings of passion and love just means that recognizing them is that much more difficult. Are you willing to give up your life for someone? Passion? Love? It seems my wife is having trouble getting through to me. She keeps telling me I don’t listen to her. When we argue I usually interrupt what she is saying when I think I understand her point. She interprets this as me being rude and not hearing here out. She thinks I need patience to wait for the other person to finish what they’re saying first before responding back. Yeah right. So let me get this straight: I’m gonna wait for her to finish making her completely irrelevant point which in no way helps our argument. Allow me to give an example.
How long should I wait? Ahhhhh….this is where the hearing comes in and a little patience. I’m getting it. IIIII’m getting it. A few more years and I’ll have all of this shtuff figured out. One of my son’s summer home work projects is to learn a new trick. I’m going to teach him how to juggle. Tomoko doesn’t know how. I asked her this morning if we had her mom’s juggling bean bags somewhere in the apartment. She looked and found two of them. For the third one she brought me a smaller lighter kind of stuffed toy. There were two problems here: the third toy was too small and light and the two bean bags were too big for the hands of a seven year-old. Here’s my logic problem for today. I told her the bean bags were too big for Kai’s hands. He wouldn’t be able to easily throw them. Tomoko’s reply was, “But I saw on TV a little girl juggling. She could do it.” What should my reply be?
I’m thinking I should start talking to myself more often.
Hmmmm. Today we had one of our very typical you said I said your right conversations in which I was claiming to have asked a question she conspires to have answered without me ever knowing. You may think this is impossible when in fact it isn’t. Think of this; have you ever asked a two year old whether or not he or she thinks poop tastes bad? Probably not, but if you did it would send them into a tail spin for about two seconds and then you’d be back to square one. That’s how I feel. So here’s what I’m gonna do next. Um. etoooo. ano sa. ano ne. wakarahen. Drink.
I dated one a few years ago. She used to ask me if I had a hog back in America. I would tell her it was a phat hog with an engine that ROARRRRRED like a lion. She’d giggle and bury her head in my chest. Real cute like. This went on for about three months until she met the real hog; my wife. Man. You shoulda heard her roar. |
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Do you know what love and passion is?
How long do I need to keep thinking I will ever understand how to talk to my wife. I try, or I think I try, SO DAMN hard to wait and wait and wait for the answer to magically appear in my head, but it NEVER HAPPENS!
No one really thinks there are any in Japan, but there are. Biker chicks. In Japan these girls are considered to be WILD AND CRAZY. 
Hmmm I'm not sure about this new babe...yet 
Isn't Japan a treat.
Podcast Episode #85:
The Busiest Time of the Year:
Podcast Episode #84:
Being a father in Japan:
Getting back on her good side:
Being misunderstood at work:
Podcast Episode #83:
I got work!:
OMG. Gross. This is not food.:
Podcast Episode #82:
1 Million Yen!:
Small Town Marriages:
Too late to leave Japan?: